some more despaircest for celesgami who’s a big nerd. sorry for posting twice in the tag haha. 953 words.
Her bedroom isn’t like a battlefield; it smells of nail polish and hairspray and hints of cologne from disposable boys. War is filled with blood and yelling and the hand of death slowly asphyxiating the troops, and that’s almost what it’s like when you sit on her bed.
some more despaircest for celesgami who’s a big nerd. sorry for posting twice in the tag haha. 953 words.
Nothing unnerves you quite like Junko. You’ve faced down men twice your size, beaten them easily without a scratch. Bullets have whipped past your face and flinching was written out of your instincts. Everything that makes you afraid, cowardly, has been torn out of you by the fierce savagery of war. Fenrir molded you up from nothing, layers of determination, stoicism, heartlessness around a burning core of despair. You grew into this role, too, letting guns become wings as you tore through enemies like an angel of death.
But something about her makes you stop, creep nervously past. Even when you were young and she yelled for someone to give her this or that, you stayed away from her. People forgot you easily around her, anyways, when she commanded the spotlight like a composer their orchestra. You let yourself blend into her shadow, guided by her movements and fleetingly glimpsed upon as you lurked, never daring to come close.
Her bedroom isn’t like a battlefield; it smells of nail polish and hairspray and hints of cologne from disposable boys. War is filled with blood and yelling and the hand of death slowly asphyxiating the troops, and that’s almost what it’s like when you sit on her bed. Still, you trust your sister, even when your throat tightens like it never has.
Red nails, long and the slightest mimic of claws, trace circles on your arm as her eyes drag lazily up your body. “Mukuro-chan, I’ve been so bored without you here!” Junko croons, voice laced with sickening innocence. She shifts towards you, nails ever-so-slightly pressing into your toned forearm. “Have things been boring without me there?”
You don’t let your face give away anything. It all comes back to her, even if she asked about you. Your sister didn’t consider you a person, merely a tool, something for her to poke and play around with and take orders when necessary. Returning to her was another one of her requests (commands), and the wig thrown lazily over a hook reminded you of the festering despair contained in the room.
Facing her isn’t hard, but it’s like looking into the eyes of a hungry wildcat. “War isn’t boring, Junko-chan,” it’s a generic reply, devoid of feeling. But the way she shifts towards you, eyes growing sharper and ravenous with something needy sends a solitary shiver down your spine, though she doesn’t notice.
“Did you watch them die, Mukuro-chan? Was it nice to see the spark go out of their fucking eyes and let the blood drain out of them? What did the fuckers say to you when you stabbed them in the back? How much despair is there in war?” These questions are whispered to you quickly, nails now biting into your smooth skin. Again, you think of the battlefield, loud and bloody but no one has marked you and here she is doing exactly that. This, something so insignificant to her, angers you enough to where you don’t even dignify her with a response. Freethinking for once, your silence matches her questions.
A hand, fast and thin, hits you across the face. You tolerate the pain easily (another way you changed since you left) and draw away from her. But oh, your sister doesn’t stand for that. Junko shoves you down, though you offer no resistance, and twists your wrists above you. “I asked you a fucking question!” she’s throwing one leg over your lap, leaning closer to you. “Did the little lapdog finally become a bitch?”
“Junko-chan,” you manage to say before she smashes your lips together, teeth pulling hard at your bottom lip. Responding isn’t hard, and the only thing you feel is disappointment in yourself at how eagerly your tongue attempts to probe her mouth. It’s mechanical for you, pleasing her, and the hands slipping away from your wrist and under your shirt don’t matter. She moves and you move, matching each other, until your hand slides down her skirt and she’s fucking herself hard on two fingers, fast and rough and you just let her, let her use you as much as she needs.
You’re so devoid of anything as she goes over the edge, the sharp growl of your name as she rides it out nothing but a reminder that you are Mukuro, marked only by your sister and belonging to no one but her. And soon you pull away from her again, turning to face a mirror that shows a bruised girl with scratches on her arms from a girl that’s breathing hard even though she’s your damn sister but not your equal.
Disappointment bites at you, but you laugh as you realize this is what despair feels like. This is what people felt when they lost the spark in their eyes and watched someone they loved die. It’s so cold, so bitter and hollow, and you can’t fathom why you ever let yourself believe this is what people wanted. But Junko, with her hair perfect though her cheeks are flushed with nothing screams I’ve fucked my sister, smiles at you that fatal smile she gives poor herbivore boys.
Those nails trail across the bruise at the base of your jaw, playing with the blood on your cut lip. Junko leans close, though it’s those doe eyes that look at you, and cups your face with her hands. “Dear sister, I just want you to feel despair as they do, and as I do. I want you to savour it, Mukuro-chan, just like everyone else will when we burn the world down.”