caput lupinum
Rating: Explicit (to be safe) (incest, cursing, dubcon, some graphic junk, ye)
Pairing: Despaircest (Ikusaba Mukuro/Junko Enoshima) and some one-sided Mukuro/Naegi
She carries the weight of the world and it is so very heavy.
________________________________________________________
She carries the weight of the world and it is so very heavy.
She had sworn herself into it. A world of closed doors, a world of locks with no keys.
Shut, shut, shut. Everything is shut and empty and it echoes, it echoes into ambiguity and void and it becomes soundless. She swims in it, drowns in it, it engulfs her and she’s suffocating. But she had promised, she made a promise to feel nothing. She made a promise and she couldn’t go back on her word.
youdon’tbreakpromises,sis.
gotit? yougotit,sis?
She makes herself something of worth. Hundreds of battles, no marks. Not a scratch on her. People notice, people talk. But she’ll still feel nothing; emptiness, apathy, indifference. Things like love and happiness and hope serve her no purpose. She’ll say those same words one hundred times until they become jumbled incoherence in her mouth, noise patterns with no value. Emotions are a liability and she dreams of tearing them out of her chest-
her crooked nails wrapping around
her heart, digging into it
thump-a thump-a thump-a
pulling- it-
ripping it out of her chest and handing it to
her sister (la la la lov-el-y sister of mine)
her ribs make a sickening
crack-
there’s some, some, some disorientation but
it’s okay because
her sister is hap-p-p-py-
just don’t get any
bluh- bluh- blood on her shirt
Ikusaba Mukuro snaps out of her daze and sputters as she feels the long, acrylic, ruby red nails from behind as they wrap around her throat-
fluidly
she kicks her heel back into the attacker’s shin and
the nails are gone and she
drives her elbow back behind her
into their kidney and they’re yelping now
ow ow ow ow ow-
“Ow! Fucking Christ Mukuro, I was just messing with you!” Enoshima Junko’s face winces in pain as she slumps into nearby chair, still gripping her side.
"Junko!" Her heart races. "I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-"
"Stop apologizing, you’re making me sick." She rolls her eyes, and begins to massage her shin.
imsorryimsofuckingsorry
She bites her lip, worrying about her sister. She acted on impulse, on reflex, she didn’t mean to. She wants to apologize again, but it would just annoy her sister even more. So she shuts up.
"What I was going to say, before you decided to ruthlessly beat me into a pulp, was that something wonderful happened today." She brings her hands together in an excited clap.
The soldier looks up from staring at her worn out sneakers with frayed laces, she pauses, trying to find the appropriate response.
"What happened?" She finally manages to say
"I tripped that Naegi kid- fell flat on his face. So much for Super High School Level Good Luck, huh?" She lets out a laugh and it sends shivers down Mukuro’s spine.
"Why would you do that?" She begins, her voice faltering as the words escape her lips. She knows why Junko did it, she didn’t need to ask.
"Because I could," She answers disinterestedly, eyes dulling, not even caring or giving a second thought to who or what she hurts. "Besides, it was only interesting for a few minutes. Everything got boring again after Kirigiri-san helped him up." She twirls a strand of strawberry blonde hair in her fingers. "Girls like her are really quite a bore, she almost reminds me of you because of that."
Another loud laugh.
Mukuro pauses and breathes and she stares at her feet again.
"You shouldn’t be so mean, Junko. I mean, after you execute your plan- they won’t even remember." Her eyes stay downcast, not wanting to meet her sister’s icy stare.
"Boring Mukuro," She tuts. "You’re never any fun, always tryin’ to rain on your lil sis’ parade, eh? How lame, how disappointing. Remind me to never tell you anything exciting again."
imsorryiloveyou
"You’re right, Junko. I’m sorry-"
Her words are cut short when Junko stands up and tightly grips the collar of her shirt.
"How many times have I told you, stop apologizing. Your talent is killing people and you shrivel like a weak little mouse when I so much as look at you! God, it’s like you always manage to find new ways to disappoint me every day. How is that even possible? Explain that to me, I’m absolutely dying to know why.”
The soldier droops her head, adverting her sister’s eyes. She draws a blank, everything Junko says is right. She can’t disagree.
"I don’t know." She finally mutters after what seems like minutes.
Her sister lets go of her and exhales loudly. “It’s like I’m talking to a fucking wall, Mukuro. You’re so stupid sometimes, no- oh my god, you’re stupid all the time.” She groans. “Oh hello, I’m Ikusaba Mukuro, nice to meet you! I can kill you with my bare hands, but I sure as hell can’t spell or write nicely like my cute little sister does.” She mimics in a snide tone. “You’re definitely a charmer, sis.” She follows her remark with laughter.
Bitter, dry laughter; it scrapes against the soldier’s ears as her sister’s hands curl around her shoulders.
She detaches herself from Junko’s words. Emotions are a liability and she doesn’t care, she doesn’t care-
"How sad," She hears when her sister pushes her on to her bed, pulling open the buttons of her shirt. Mukuro closes her eyes. "Not a scratch on you." The blonde whispers low into her ear as her nails claw against her sister’s skin. "How worthless you would be- if I-"
"Junko, no."
"How worthless you already are." Her eyes lower, her expression grows dark.
she fights back the
bile rising in her throat
she feels sick
"i d o n t f e e l s o g o o d"
she mutters
she thinks she mutters
she withdraws and she’s
thinking about naegi-kun
and how he smiles at her
as her sister’s nails
dig- into-
her thighs
i don’t feel so good
i don’t feel
i
She feels Junko pressing her heat against her knee and her fingers pressing against her own. She says nothing. She retreats. Like a soldier- she retreats and she thinks about Naegi’s smile and the way it makes her f-
except you don’t feel, right?
you’re a killing machine.
you couldn’t care less about what foolish little boys say or do.
She couldn’t care less. That’s right- she doesn’t care. Her breath shudders as she feels Junko’s lips against her ear.
"I love you so much, sis." She whispers, it vibrates low inside the soldier’s eardrum.
"I-I love you too."
She bites her lip again as she comes quietly, silently.
She feels the model slide off of her, clicking her tonuge in distaste. “Boring.” She mutters and Mukuro hears the door slam.
She jumps up and runs to the bathroom, breaking into a cold, clamy sweat. She leans over the sink and retches, sweat plastering her dark hair to her forehead; bright pink lipstick stains the collar of her uniform. She looks at her ugly reflection and retches again.
How she would kill and destroy and die for her sister’s love, her sister’s approval, oh- it hurts.
It really does hurt- even for the emotionless monster Mukuro disguises herself as.
She finds the bed again and wraps herself in the bed sheets, immersing herself in her sister’s perfumey scent; everything feels cold and silent and still. She prays that her efforts will not be in vain, everything she does is for Junko after all.
How she longs for her praise, her affection; a touch that doesn’t sting her-
she imagines
the stupid fucking look
on her face
as she hands her sister
her heart
thump-a thump-a thump-a
and she tosses it on the ground and
steps
on it
her heel d-d-digging into the
dying muscles
s h e f a d e s o u t
She thinks of Naegi’s smile again and wonders if her idea of love has been distorted.
Outside, she hears rainfall.