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英语同人文求点评

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是这样子的,我同学特喜欢看同人文,最近看了权力的游戏之后,她就特别想以中世纪为主题写一篇英文同人文。写了一小段大概,让我看一看,想让我帮看看哪里能不能改,她尤其说道语法是弱项。然而大姐,我语法也特么很弱好不好,所以想请大家帮忙批改。文笔什么的不好的就说出来,反正她也经受我的打击惯了2333333


IP属地:加拿大1楼2019-04-23 15:04回复
    作者的废话:
    Hi, everyone, so this is an outline for my upcoming long series of "Flowers and Blood." Don't worry, this doesn't contain much spoilers, just a sneak peak into the main characters and the plot. I welcome any suggestion on making my work better. Whether it be twiking the circumstances or ideas for possible romance (hmmmm). The series is going to be graphic and will contain sexual scenes. You have been warned:>


    IP属地:加拿大3楼2019-04-23 15:09
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      2025-07-23 08:12:34
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      奇了怪了,为什么发出来的信息不显示?


      IP属地:加拿大7楼2019-04-23 15:17
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        前言在9楼


        IP属地:加拿大9楼2019-04-23 15:18
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          Set in medieval period, a time of darkness and romance. Where poverty and death trashes through the streets, claiming people's lives; where love and kindness sparks up a fire and melts hearts made of ice. The twsitsed and winding love story of a young lordling who was as every bit as twisted and dark as they get, possesive in nature, falls in love with a dark haired peasant boy with summer eyes and a heart of gold. How will this story end? Well, happy endings only appear in fairy tales, not in real life. Or do they?


          IP属地:加拿大10楼2019-04-23 15:19
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            人物介绍在11楼


            IP属地:加拿大11楼2019-04-23 15:19
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              片段故事在14楼


              IP属地:加拿大13楼2019-04-23 15:20
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                “My lord?” He asked. After a slight pause of hesitation, he emerged from the shadows and moved quietly towards the little lord. He stopped abruptly, just near enough to reach out and touch the sleeping boy. For some time, he simply stood there gazing down at him,mesmerized by what he is seeing.


                IP属地:加拿大14楼2019-04-23 15:21
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                  2025-07-23 08:06:34
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                  Under the candle light, the boy’s face looked peaceful. A few strands of golden hair curled softly on his forehead. The boy exudes innocence, his cheeks has a faint pink glow and his mouth is as pink and delicate as the freshly bloomed roses in spring. His chest rises and falls periodically with each breath he takes.


                  IP属地:加拿大15楼2019-04-23 15:22
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                    A cold gust of wind blew through the windows and the boy’s long thick eyelashes quivered slightly.The man gave a quick shudder, it was not because of the cold but because of something else. Immediately as the thought came to mind, he shoved it out to the back of his head. All of a sudden, as if emerging from a trance, he turned on his heels and walked quickly towards the open windows.


                    IP属地:加拿大16楼2019-04-23 15:23
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                      As he closed the window and made sure the hatch is fastened enough, he thought to himself rather grimly: " After being forced to serve this brat for some time, I must admit, the boy does possess a weird compelling beauty."


                      IP属地:加拿大19楼2019-04-23 15:28
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                        With a firmer conviction, the man left swiftly and quietly. After the gentle "click" of the door being shut, the boy opens his eyes, he stared into the direction where the man had left intently, his eyes a cold and pericing blue.


                        IP属地:加拿大21楼2019-04-23 15:29
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                          A twisted smile crept up the corner of his mouth. " This man is...unusual, I wonder how he will look like on his knees begging in front of me. With that thought, the boy smiled ever so sweetly.


                          IP属地:加拿大22楼2019-04-23 15:29
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                            All his life, he hated everyone, his uncle, his servants, even his own parents for leaving him. He finds no purpose in living day by day. But now, he has a purpose. He is going to make this man beg and cry out his name, he is going to own him. And, as the boy stifled a yawn, he always gets what he wants.


                            IP属地:加拿大23楼2019-04-23 15:30
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                              2025-07-23 08:00:34
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                              终于结束了我得马,百度贴吧一连吞了好几个帖子


                              IP属地:加拿大24楼2019-04-23 15:31
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