我无法再像以前一样，喝喝鸡汤就能斗志昂扬。在经过那么多喝鸡汤加油打气，不断设定目标，最终如常颓废的日子以后，我知道惰性已经融入我血液，深入骨髓。不管我多么想要努力，最终还是败给自己。那些纠结的日夜，仅仅是对抗懒惰，就消耗了我大部分的能量。

大概我唯一的优点就是拖延症了，虽然立的flag从来没有按时完成，但是这么多年了都没有停止想象要继续做下去。很搞笑了对不对

心态太差了，每到周会前2天就各种崩溃，到了周会当天就想能跑路则跑的。无数次告诉自己用不着害怕，但是依然无**服。我究竟在害怕些什么呢？怕被批评？怕被人嘲笑？怕丢脸？怯场？所有的原因都分析过了，且一个个排查，觉得都无所谓，那我还在怕什么呢？大概是怕暴露自己平时的不努力，暴露自己的无能。我搞不懂，我从小就怕老师，而导师这样阴晴不定的，让我瘆得慌啊。

还有十分钟，让我默念吧I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，I don't care，

果然一到汇报就各种胡思乱想，当然身体状况也是一个重要的原因。心态超级差，暂时还是不要想要不要读博的事了，这种状态就跟当年纠结要不要读硕一样，内耗太大毫无益处，至少现在还没有想通也不迫切，暂时搁置一下。否则，在考之前就先把自己给作死了。

距离发帖1个月过去了，see what you've done.

8月2日了，今天，仍然是颓废的一天