2. “Denial 自欺”
I tried to change. Closed my mouth more,tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for 60 days, wore white,abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word.In that time, my hair, I grew past my ankles. I slept on a mat on the floor. Iswallowed a sword. I levitated. Went to the basement, confessed my sins, andwas baptized in a river. I got on my knees and said 'amen' and said 'I mean.'
我有試過改變。能閉嘴的時候就閉嘴。試過多一點溫柔，多一點可愛，少一點靈性。試過禁食60天，試過穿白衣服，試過不照鏡子，試過不做愛，慢慢地學會一言不發。那段時間裏，我的頭髮長過了腳踝。試過睡在地板上。試過呑劍的把戲。試過懸浮在半空。試過把自己關進地牢，試過懺悔，試過在河裏受洗。我雙膝跪下，試過說“阿門”卻説成了“啊”。
I whipped my own back and asked fordominion at your feet. I threw myself into a volcano. I drank the blood anddrank the wine. I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God. I crossedmyself and thought I saw the devil. I grew thickened skin on my feet, I bathedin bleach, and plugged my menses with pages from the holy book, but stillinside me, coiled deep, was the need to know ... Are you cheating on me?
我試過自笞到血流浹背，試過跪在祢的腳邊祈求聖護。我試過為祢赴湯蹈火。我試過領受祢的血肉喝下祢的葡萄酒。我獨自一人卑躬屈膝苦苦哀求。我試過在胸前劃下十架卻在那瞬間看見了魔鬼。我試過讓腳底長出厚繭。我試過漂白我的肌膚。我試過用經文堵住經血的污穢。然而盤根糾纏在子宮的深處，卻是如焚的問題……你劈腿了吧？
Cheating? Are you cheating on me?
劈腿？是你劈腿了吧？
I tried to change. Closed my mouth more,tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for 60 days, wore white,abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex, slowly did not speak another word.In that time, my hair, I grew past my ankles. I slept on a mat on the floor. Iswallowed a sword. I levitated. Went to the basement, confessed my sins, andwas baptized in a river. I got on my knees and said 'amen' and said 'I mean.'
我有試過改變。能閉嘴的時候就閉嘴。試過多一點溫柔，多一點可愛，少一點靈性。試過禁食60天，試過穿白衣服，試過不照鏡子，試過不做愛，慢慢地學會一言不發。那段時間裏，我的頭髮長過了腳踝。試過睡在地板上。試過呑劍的把戲。試過懸浮在半空。試過把自己關進地牢，試過懺悔，試過在河裏受洗。我雙膝跪下，試過說“阿門”卻説成了“啊”。
I whipped my own back and asked fordominion at your feet. I threw myself into a volcano. I drank the blood anddrank the wine. I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God. I crossedmyself and thought I saw the devil. I grew thickened skin on my feet, I bathedin bleach, and plugged my menses with pages from the holy book, but stillinside me, coiled deep, was the need to know ... Are you cheating on me?
我試過自笞到血流浹背，試過跪在祢的腳邊祈求聖護。我試過為祢赴湯蹈火。我試過領受祢的血肉喝下祢的葡萄酒。我獨自一人卑躬屈膝苦苦哀求。我試過在胸前劃下十架卻在那瞬間看見了魔鬼。我試過讓腳底長出厚繭。我試過漂白我的肌膚。我試過用經文堵住經血的污穢。然而盤根糾纏在子宮的深處，卻是如焚的問題……你劈腿了吧？
Cheating? Are you cheating on me?
劈腿？是你劈腿了吧？
