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写了篇英语作文,估计有些小错误,能拿几分

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作文题来自六级试卷关于压力。大家帮看看,满分15。
Nowdays, more and more adolescents are suffering from pressure.For one hand, this phenomenon disturbs lots of students' concentration on work and study. Hence they could not be smoothly well-being.On the other hand, stress may bring disease, children may see the doctor and won't complete school work, but how could we relieve pressure, some aspects lead to people get stressful are these follow.
First and foremost, with the fast pace of economic and technology rapidly developing, hunting job being more difficult, a mount of graduates unable to locate a job.What' more they may face unemployment, fierce competition on the job market causes them working more hard.Unfortunately, a majority if undergraduate students gets mental disorder.Last but not least, among employee, entrepreneur set up lots of things every day to do,and voice abuse between boss and his subordinates, workers get anxious and physically tired.This may cause unhealthy working surroundings,
For my points of view.Some strengthen laws should be in place to alleviate the workloads of highschool students. Significant emphasis boys are supposed to relieve stress among colleagues.Only through this way can promote the quality of people's life, whoever students or employees.


1楼2015-11-11 18:39回复
    没人人,13分应该有吧


    2楼2015-11-11 18:54
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      2025-06-13 08:42:36
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      开篇就是问题。suffer from pressure.就这么简单描述phenomena,谁能明白你在说啥?


      IP属地:北京来自Android客户端3楼2015-11-11 19:53
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        还可以,大概12、13分左右


        4楼2015-11-11 19:56
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          不过呢,开篇就写如今越来越多的青少年有压力是不是有点不太好吧


          5楼2015-11-11 19:56
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            来自iPhone客户端7楼2015-11-11 20:27
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              就第一段问题就很多,suffering什么pressure,要交代清楚。this phenomenon disturbs lots of students concentration ...... 可以说一点都不make sense 很中式。还有超长的一句好多逗号,这明显是错的。see the doctor 和 complete school work没有任何联系,放在一起很怪。'lead'是动词,'get'也是动词,一个句子有两个谓语。


              来自iPhone客户端8楼2015-11-12 06:52
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                第二段,'with the fast pace of'后面又说'rapidly developing',不是重复了吗?'hunting job being more difficult'这句话的谓语(is)在哪里?'graduates unable to locate a job'这句话的谓语(are)在哪里?不知道什么是locate a job,中文是地位工作吗?locate一般是物理上的定位,十分中式。已经点评不下去,实在看不懂,只能说楼主保重,加油


                来自iPhone客户端9楼2015-11-12 07:00
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                  2025-06-13 08:36:36
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                  我只说一个问题就好: but how could we relieve pressure, some aspects lead to people get stressful are these follow这段。。。很不英文,得重写过。


                  IP属地:马来西亚来自Android客户端10楼2015-11-12 07:20
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                    ^_^


                    IP属地:广东来自iPhone客户端11楼2015-11-12 07:22
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                      不止有些,也不只是小错误,for one hand?
                      could not be smoothly well-being 是什么意思?


                      IP属地:马来西亚来自Android客户端12楼2015-11-12 07:25
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                        句子结构问题不小,很多表达有问题,语法错误也多,还有内容。。。总之要是我打分的话,不会很高。。。


                        IP属地:马来西亚来自Android客户端13楼2015-11-12 07:29
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                          第一个单词,,,


                          来自Android客户端14楼2015-11-12 08:09
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                            自己写的复查都查不出什么错误,别人帮看真是帮大忙了已订正,谢谢大家@MooreYuan
                            @殺心成焚 @夜雨寒楼 @安好的矮子
                            Nowadays,with rapid development of economy and technology, hunting job is more difficult, more and more adolescents are suffering from pressure.For one hand, this phenomenon disturbs lots of students' concentration on work and study. On the other hand, stress may bring disease, some aspects cause stress are these follow.
                            First and foremost, a mushrooming number of graduates are unable to find a job.What' more they may face unemployment,.Apparently,fierce competition on the job market causes them work harder.Unfortunately, a majority if undergraduate students gets mental disorder.among employee, entrepreneur assign lots of work to staff and voice abuse between boss and his subordinates, workers get anxious and physically tired.This may cause unhealthy working surroundings,Hence they could not be physical and mental health.children may see the doctor or won't complete school work, but how could we relieve pressure,
                            For my points of view.Some strengthen laws should be in place to alleviate the workloads of highschool students. Significant emphasis boys are supposed to relieve stress among colleagues.Only through this way can promote the quality of people's life, whoever students or employees.


                            16楼2015-11-12 09:50
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                              2025-06-13 08:30:36
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                              没@ 成功
                              @殺心成焚 @MooreYuan


                              17楼2015-11-12 09:53
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