近来梦里总会出现妈妈的泪眼婆娑，她泣不成声的对阿姨说明事情始末，期间说到大哥的去向不明时更是当真恨不得想当没有生过这个儿子，但更明显的是她掩饰不住的忧心仲仲。
梦里我父亲游走于几个关系要好的亲戚之间恳求他们帮忙，可最后我看到父亲却是父亲那张垂头丧气的脸，它再也不如从前一般容光焕发，它被他身下的孩子折磨的沟壑纵横。
多少我们曾经抱怨过他对我们仨的严格和不公，在这个伟大的男人面前不堪一击。
梦里自己总是处于一种游离状态，大概是我不能为此提供任何帮助。也许是因为父亲口对我说过一句你无能为力，就听天由命吧。
是吧，父母亲给了他生命，他却用生命挥霍为数不多的青春和财富，用生命对父母千刀万剐，也伤透了我和弟弟的心，他用生命来将这个家庭破坏的支离破碎。
而我，什么都帮不上。

憋说话
吻我
　　　----假如生活欺骗了你
　　　　　　　你也要欺骗回生活　

傻逼
　　　----假如生活欺骗了你
　　　　　　　你也要欺骗回生活　

总感觉时间过的特别快，忙忙碌碌又完结一日。
事情依旧没有进展。
又开始经常半夜惊醒，这是当年他出车祸住院期间让我担心受怕留下的诟病。从此心有不安便时常惊醒。
翻看到一张自己在大理拍黑长发飘逸的照片，突然就决定认真的留回一头长发，然后带着它去拥抱阳光。

一场说来就来的重感冒。

。。。为什么不和我说

么么 抱抱

醒过来打开微博，听到一首很感动的英文歌try，对着翻译听，歌曲唱进了心坎。
Oooh
Oooh
Put your make up on
Get your nails done
Curl your hair
Run the extra mile
Keep it slim so they like you, do they like you?
Get your sexy on
Don't be shy, girl
Take it off
This is what you want, to belong, so they like you
Do you like you?
You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
Yooou don't have to try
Oooh
Oooh
Get your shopping on, at the mall, extra credit card
You don't have to choose, buy it all, so they like you
Do they like you?
Wait a second,
Why, should you care, what they think of you
When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?
Do you like you?
You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing
You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to bend until you break
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
Y ooou don't have to try
Noooo
Oooh
You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
Take your make up off
Put your head down
Take a breath
Look into the mirror, at yourself
Don't you like you?
Cause I like you

太过于年轻，没有能力帮分担。

尽人事，听天命，其他真的不必再牵挂。

疲劳不堪。

要怎么样才会吸取教训，到底要怎么样才能拥有一双慧眼，见识的人渣还不够多吗？

路过看到一个新坟，和见过的祖坟不一样，坟形偏小且低，后来有人告诉我，那就是志钦哥的坟。我想上去给他上香，然后被阻止，不能这么做。
很心酸，看到他永远的躺在这个偏僻的山头，那是一个向风位，一整年风都呜呜呜的吹着，听着就让我心隐隐作疼。
希望，来生还是兄妹。

两三点，又是一个醒来无法入睡的凌晨。眼睛这么小，在黑暗里醒来睁的老大，很难再睡着了。
拿起手机看了一遍社交软件，又锁屏放下。
再换一个睡姿，趴着，也许再入睡的可能性比躺着大。