kaelynandlucy吧 关注：264贴子：2,249
Something I’ve always found interesting (if not slightly disheartening) is how often I get asked ‘so, who wears the trousers in your relationship?’ or, ‘which one, out of the two of you, is more masculine?’ I’ve always thought it odd that when it comes to love and relationships, marital or otherwise, there’s an assumed ‘role,’ for both parties. Kaelyn and I have never been able to understand why people look so astounded when we reply, ‘neither of us. We’re equal.’
We like to think that we exist as a unit, but within that, we are two separate people, with individual ideas, morals, interests, and opinions. Conveniently for us, these notions aren’t all that different, and there’s a lot of overlap - but that doesn’t lessen the significance of either of us in the relationship, physically nor mentally/emotionally. We value and appreciate each other immensely, and although we’ve never openly discussed it, there’s a definite - albeit unspoken - agreement that to assert ones beliefs and morals with disregard to the other would be disrespectful and uncalled for. To discuss, yes. To argue, to fight over, to challenge, yes. But never to alter, to destroy, nor to change unwillingly. There is an overwhelming tendency when it comes to analysing relationships to expect specific ‘roles’ and/or ‘jobs’ that each person is expected to do. These roles, unfortunately, are not equal. The phrase, ‘who wears the trousers?’ makes explicit links to male authority (the male/masculine connotations arise with the word ‘trousers’) and implies that, when wearing the trousers, one is both a) male and b) in power over the other.
Kaelyn and I have never discussed who should wear the trousers (I use the term ‘should’ through gritted teeth - ‘should’ indicates obligation and duty - bitch please, far from it!), because, quite simply, it never occurred to us. Moreover, it’s unnecessary. We don’t need a power struggle. We are in a lesbian relationship - no males involved - so why would we need a man, and why does one person need to have power over the other in a relationship? What’s so wrong with being equal?
We like to think that we exist as a unit, but within that, we are two separate people, with individual ideas, morals, interests, and opinions. Conveniently for us, these notions aren’t all that different, and there’s a lot of overlap - but that doesn’t lessen the significance of either of us in the relationship, physically nor mentally/emotionally. We value and appreciate each other immensely, and although we’ve never openly discussed it, there’s a definite - albeit unspoken - agreement that to assert ones beliefs and morals with disregard to the other would be disrespectful and uncalled for. To discuss, yes. To argue, to fight over, to challenge, yes. But never to alter, to destroy, nor to change unwillingly. There is an overwhelming tendency when it comes to analysing relationships to expect specific ‘roles’ and/or ‘jobs’ that each person is expected to do. These roles, unfortunately, are not equal. The phrase, ‘who wears the trousers?’ makes explicit links to male authority (the male/masculine connotations arise with the word ‘trousers’) and implies that, when wearing the trousers, one is both a) male and b) in power over the other.
Kaelyn and I have never discussed who should wear the trousers (I use the term ‘should’ through gritted teeth - ‘should’ indicates obligation and duty - bitch please, far from it!), because, quite simply, it never occurred to us. Moreover, it’s unnecessary. We don’t need a power struggle. We are in a lesbian relationship - no males involved - so why would we need a man, and why does one person need to have power over the other in a relationship? What’s so wrong with being equal?
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