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【屌丝写作】过年你怕回家吗?

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单身狗的苦恼
一位歪果仁朋友在聊天的时候问及老衲我今年春节休假的事,我一脸正气盎然地回答道,英雄志在四方,为了我的青春和理想,今年我就不回家了。歪果仁朋友貌似被我的热情感动了,带着迷惑的表情继续追问说中国不是有春节合家团聚的习俗么?老衲我淡定地摸了摸下巴,心想歪果仁真是toosimple too naïve。于是我一本正经地开始跟他普及一个中国的过年习俗。
这个习俗还得从一个故事说起。从前有一个热血青年叫小明,为了开创一番事业而远离了家乡。在异乡他历经苦难,终于有了立足之地。小明心想终有颜面回乡见父老,于是在春节时带着一只驴和一匹马回家了。家乡父老看见小明这么有出息高兴坏了,拉着小明往后看了一眼驴子和马,问了一个问题,小明没有进家门,回去了。
第二年,小明带着两只驴和两匹马回家了。家乡父老看了一眼驴子和马,又问了相同的一个问题,小明还是没有进家门,回去了。
第三年…..
歪果仁朋友急忙打断,问到底是什么问题,小明为什么没有进家门。我说这你就不懂了,这个问题是家庭年终考试,你不通过的话下一年还是要继续,直到通过为止。小明明显是没有合格嘛。那这个问题是什么呢?没有错,就是:
“你对象呢?!!!”
嗯,所以小明在下一年为了准备年终考试就没有回家了。这事儿据说还被歪国媒体报道过:


IP属地:广东1楼2015-01-15 16:04回复
    Forcing young people into marriage has become a new custom during the Chinese Luna New Year. Many unmarried youths are faced with the"harsh interrogation" from their relatives about why they are still unmarried. The question about marriage seems just inescapable around this time of year.
    a new custom说明这个年终考试已经成为一种新年惯例了。每一个小明回家都要接受来自父老亲戚的harsh interrogation,也就是“残酷的审问”。这种问题当然是inescapable ---逃不掉的啦。
    Chinese parents tend to try everything to persuade theirdaughters and sons to get married. Nothing scares themmore than the fact that their children are still single past 30. Forthose who don't want to compromise with their parents, traveling away fromhome has become a way to escape the grilling from their relatives and noseyfriends.
    可以看出父母们也是非常拼,原因是他们也在担心孩子们通不过考试怎么办。天呐,这对于他们来说简直就是最恐怖的事!这里的句型是nothing+谓语动词+比较级+than….,意思是“没有什么比这更….”,那么原文中的话意思就是“没有什么比他们的孩子超过30岁还单身这事儿更让他们感到害怕了”。而对于不打算让步妥协(compromise with)的小明们,离家能让他们逃脱拷问(grilling),而这些拷问来自于亲戚以及nosey friends ----爱管闲事的朋友呢。
    It is important for families to have meals together regularly.
    题目说家人们经常一起吃饭是很重要的。但是一看这个催婚的节奏,小明们都只能掩面而泣。
    It would be hard-pressed for single young people to have meals with their families regularly, especially in China. Since they will be urged to find apartner and get married as soon as possible, which seems inescapable and even becomes a new custom during the Chinese Lunar New Year, having meals with families has turned into a harsh interrogation for those unmarried youths. For most Chinese parents, nothing is more terrible for them than the fact that their children still remain single. However, many young people do not compromise with their parents.Traveling away from home has become a way to escape the grilling from their relatives and nosey friends. Therefore, it is unlikely for the youths to have meals together withtheir families regularly.


    IP属地:广东3楼2015-01-15 16:06
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