The next morning, Niall’s not as annoyed by the constant beeping of his alarm clock that wakes him up because his body is still tingling all over with the thought of going to the coffee shop that day.
His steps are a little quicker running through his morning routine and getting to the coffee shop but Niall figures, no one has to know. And as the little bell chimes and he steps in, with warm air engulfing him, he sees Zayn look up at him with large, happy eyes.
Zayn tries not to stare; Niall can tell by the way that even while he fixes a woman’s coffee, he peaks up through his lashes with his lip between his teeth, trying to hide a smile.
Once the woman has paid and is on her way out of the coffee shop, Niall walks up and bites his lips.
“Hi.”
Zayn smiles that really big smile and leans over the counter, their breath mingling together as he whispers a, ‘hey you’ before give him a soft kiss. Niall’s hands reach up almost like a reflex, holding Zayn there as Niall continues to kiss him, counting down until he reaches 16.
“I like how you kiss me 16 times,” Zayn whispers, their lips still ghosting against each others.
Niall blushes, a soft pink crawling along his cheeks. “I like kissing you 16 times.” And then Zayn is leaning back away with one more, soft kiss to Niall’s warm cheek.
“So, do you have class today?” Zayn asks as he busies himself making Niall’s coffee.
Niall hums and nods, “Yeah, can’t stay and talk today as much as I would love to so I could get out of music history.”
Zayn laughs and it’s bright and happy and Niall wants to make him laugh more, just wants to make him happy. “Well what time do you go to work?”
“Um, I go in after class about 2 and get off at 6, why?”
“Would you mind if I came and hung out with you after I get off?” Zayn hands him his coffee after Niall pays and Niall can see the blush rising on his tanned cheeks.
“Course not, I’ll see you then, yeah?” And as Niall leans up to kiss Zayn 16 times more, feeling the boy smile around ten almost making Niall loose count, all Niall can’t think about is the way Zayn smells of coffee, smells of coffee, smells of coffee. It’s becoming addicting.
-
It quickly becomes a thing. Niall will go to the coffee shop the same as always and on days where Niall doesn’t have school they will sit and talk until Niall has to go to work where Zayn will pick him up and they will go out, sometimes staying in and watching a movie.
Other days where Niall has school, Zayn will come and hang out with Niall at work until it’s time for his classes. And on those nights Niall will go meet with Zayn when he gets out of class and they will spend the rest of the night until late back at Zayn’s because it’s closer than his place.
The weekends however are Niall’s favorite because those days are when Niall will go to Zayn’s early in the morning when Zayn will still be sleeping and lay down with him, cuddled up in the smell of cigarettes and mint and coffee. Sometimes Niall will clean, even when Zayn tells him he doesn’t have to, but Niall insists because Niall’s skin burns when he sees it’s a mess.
That’s why he refuses to go near Louis and Harry’s room.
And the first time when Niall came over he nearly had a panic attack because their apartment is dirty and Niall was already freaking out about meeting Zayn’s friends for the first time. Why Zayn invited him back after that, he will never know.
Zayn becomes accustomed to a lot of the things that Niall does, the way that when he’s nervous or his skin burns with the need for something he will twiddle something in his fingers, or how Niall will stop at all the cracks in a sidewalk and the way Niall will do certain things a certain number of times, and if Zayn doesn’t do them that way, he gets anxious.
Zayn says that he likes those things about Niall though. Says that he wouldn’t change them because they are what make up who Niall is. And he likes how Niall will kiss him 16 times or 24 times if it’s a Wednesday.
“Why 24 this time?” Zayn had laughed the Wednesday after they met when they were standing in front of Niall’s door.
“Because it’s Wednesday,” Niall had shrugged and Zayn smiled before kissing Niall on the cheek one last time.
He liked how on the first night Zayn had slept over Niall had gone through and turned the lights on and off, on and off, on and off. He had closed his eyes as he lay in bed, waiting for Niall to join, and just imagined that the days and nights were passing by him.
And he liked how Niall watched his mouth when he talked.
It made Niall, for the first time in his life; feel like he belonged, like he wasn’t being singled out amongst everyone just because he had OCD.
It was when they were sitting in Niall’s kitchen one night for dinner when Niall knew that this was where he belonged, truly knew deep down. Because Zayn had looked up at him with their fingers laced together, kissed them each twice because he knew that Niall liked it that way and said in the most sincere and fond voice Niall had ever heard with the corners of his lips turning up, “I love you, Niall.”
They had been together for a few months then and Niall whispered back with as much sincerity, without hesitation, “I love you too, Zayn.”
And if that night their hands were more feverish and needy then no one said anything.
-
It was the day of Louis and Harry’s wedding, however, when Niall felt like he had found his forever. Because Niall watched from his front row seats beside Liam and his girlfriend, outside under the bright sun, as Louis walked down the aisle with glassy eyes and a wide smile that made his eyes crinkle with Zayn beside Harry in a fitted tux.
All of it was beautiful and as Harry and Louis their ‘I do’s or in Louis’ case ‘yes yes, yes endlessly yes’ and kissed the first time as husbands, Zayn’s eyes met Niall’s with a silent maybe, and yeah, Niall wants this to be his forever.
During the reception, Zayn comes over to Niall and pulls him to the dance floor, and with the song ‘Endlessly’ by the Cab playing around him, bodies melting together, Zayn whispers a quiet ‘move in with me?’ in Niall’s ear. It’s the happiest he thinks he’s ever been.
And Zayn ended up moving in with Niall after Louis and Harry got back from their honey moon, well it was more of Louis kicking Zayn out, but they thought it was best to give them their own place so no one argued.
Nothing changed really, they still went over to Louis and Harry’s quite often as did Liam, and other than the fact that Zayn and Niall got to see each other more everything was the same and, well, Niall saw that as a positive.
He loved waking up in the mornings with warm arms around him, holding him close, going to sleep the same, and seeming to have a now permanent smell of coffee and cigarettes and mint on his pillows and in his sheets.
Sleeping became easier because Zayn’s voice and his soft touches lulled him to sleep, Niall saw no down side.

“You know, I don’t think we will ever have to worry about someone breaking in because you definitely locked the door 16 times.” Zayn chuckled as Niall finished locking the door one night, coming up to wrap his arms around Niall. It was that light hearted laugh that Niall had fell in love with, right in his ear, pulling and tugging on his heart.
And it was nice and perfect and Niall was just so happy. It was like he could feel himself reaching his forever.
Between that night and 3 months later, Niall’s not quite sure what’s changed. He’s still happy, he still craves the smell of coffee and cigarettes and mint but something’s different.
Niall’s not quite sure if the signs had been there or not, all he knows is that he notices when he leans up to kiss Zayn goodbye because he has to leave for work before Niall does, and Zayn turns his head so his lips press against his cheek.
“Sorry, babe, you’re making me late, I’ll lose my job if I’m late again.”
And then the door is opening and Niall hasn’t even finished his, “I love you” when the door is closing and he’s left there standing in their living room feeling cold and shut off.
The days following aren’t better, the weeks only worse. Because Zayn has stopped stopping at a crack in the sidewalk, preferring to walk ahead and when he says ‘I love you’ his mouth is in a straight line.
Niall feels his forever slipping and its one night close to a year when they get into a fight. Niall’s not quite sure what it’s about or how it started but he knows they’re shouting at each other and he’s crying and his heart is heavy.
He’s sure that the fight is over something petty, but it doesn’t seem like it when Zayn looks at him and says, “You take up to much of my time.”
They are back to screaming at each other and Niall can hardly breathe through the sobs and his yells and everything just hurts.
Zayn stays with Louis and Harry that night. And the night after and the next 10 after that.
Niall’s not even sure how long he’s been gone but he knows he hasn’t slept at all and when he tries it’s on the couch because he can’t sleep in his room because it smells of Zayn and buying a new spread would just make all it to final.
One day Louis and Harry come over to pick up Zayn’s stuff and Niall cries in the bathroom, tries to be quiet, and when they leave they say that they’ll keep in touch, but they both know they won’t.
It feels too surreal, Niall can no longer see his forever, it has fallen to the ground and shattered and he feels like he has to.
When they do talk one day it’s at the coffee shop because Niall can’t- physically can’t- go to another, and Niall wishes he had never gotten up that morning.
Zayn looks at him with a straight mouth as he says, “I’m sorry.” And Niall knows that he can tell he’s been crying all morning and hasn’t slept or barely eaten as he continues, “I shouldn’t have let you get so attached. I’m no good, Niall. I don’t do this, and I’m sorry that I let It get this far. This was a mistake.”
Niall can’t speak or breathe but he manages a pitiful nod like its fine without sobbing and for that he’s proud of himself.
Liam is there to comfort him but he doesn’t smell of coffee and cigarettes and mint so Niall just gets mad and tells him he wants to be alone.
That same day Niall lays in his bed and let the fading smell of Zayn surround him as he cries until he feels like he may throw up and all he can think is how can love be a mistake? How can this be a mistake when I don’t have to wash my hands after I touch you?
Niall would rather wake up the next morning, after he finally falls asleep after throwing up twice, thinking about how Zayn’s face lights up when he gets Niall to laugh.
How his brow furrows when he’s drawing.
How smoke tumbles from his oh so red lips-
His red lips…
His red lips…
His red lips…
His red li-
Niall clenches his fists in his hair until it hurts and shuts his eyes tight because now when he wakes up he thinks about whose kissing him. And Niall can’t breathe if he only kisses him once because he doesn’t care if it’s perfect.
He can’t see how this is a mistake because he no longer obsesses over germs crawling along his skin, he no longer feels like he’s drowning because of his OCD suffocating him.
And Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing him because he can run away from this and Niall just can’t.
Niall just wants him back so bad.
He leaves the door unlocked.
He leaves the lights on.