In the memo cited, the director of Top Dog Stores argues that the store should start posting ads in Exotic Pets Monthly so that the store would gain more profit. Although it seems like Dog Pet Store would reverse the current declining sales, this statement is brought about with several faults.
The director includes inadequate information in his claim that Fish Emporium gains 15 percent sales after publicizing ads in the magazine. First, this data is calculated up to five years ago, when it could no longer enlighten any useful reasoning today. Second, business is changing in an incredible speed. A firm used to dominate its part of business could suddenly claim bankruptcy in one month or two. Even though Fish emporium could have arguably increase its sale by 1 5percent, such rising may win no advantage under possible tremendous inflation of the whole economy. Third, the bare number of 15 percent does not indicate precisely the store’s performance because we are not told whether the increase of 15 percent is referring to monetary account or inventory account. If, for example, Fish Emporium has sold 15 percent more fish at only 60 percent unit price, the store is in fact losing its money.
Even though Fish Emporium verifiably collects 15 percent more profit soon after posting ads in the magazine, the director should not mistakenly conclude the causation of two seemingly attributable random observations. It is highly probable that while signing an advertising contract with the magazine, Fish Emporium, as exemplified above, lowers prices of its products, amount that capable to attract more customers while not significant enough to cause an negative impact on its sales. Such discount could also contribute, more effective than advertising strategy, to inflating sales of Fish Emporium. Thus if this scenario stands, the director of Top Dog Stores should not arbitrarily conduct before further analysis of Fish Emporium’s success.
Finally, even given that the director could provide solid evidence to justify that the strategy of advertising does result in ameliorating of company’s performance, the assumption that a same strategy
should be applicable in different companies is in short of legitimacy. Before contracting with Exotic Pets Monthly, the director should implement a comprehensive survey that insightfully investigates his customers’ taste on daily magazine reading. If his customers have never even heard about Exotic Pets Monthly, it would be meaningless to invest any marketing budget in that magazine. Hence the director needs to introduce methods to gain statistical data on his customers' preference before put the ads project into progress.
In sum, the argument’s context-lacking understanding of data, failure to rule out alternative causation of improvement, and unreasonable conclusion to conduct a certain plan leave it far from flawless.

In the memo cited, the director of Top Dog Stores argues that the
store should start posting ads in Exotic Pets Monthly so that the store would
gain more profit. Although it seems like Dog Pet Store would reverse the
current declining sales, this statement is brought about with several faults.
(There is a slight possibility that the Dog Pet Store will boost
their sales to reverse current revenue decline, yet several faults are consisted
in this particular statement.)
The director
includes inadequate information in his claim that Fish Emporium gains 15
percent sales after publicizing ads in the magazine. First, this data is(was)
calculated up to five years ago, when(which) it could no longer enlighten any
useful reasoning today. Second, business is changing in an incredible speed. A
firm used to dominate its part of business could suddenly claim bankruptcy in
one month or two. Even though Fish emporium could have(x) arguably increase its
sale by 1 5percent, such rising may win no advantage(太中文化了…) under possible tremendous inflation of the whole economy.
(Assuming the Fish Emporium is capable to increase its sale by 15
percent, it certainly can be overlooked under a blueprint of the whole economy
with a possible tremendous inflation.)
Third, the bare number of 15 percent does not precisely(moved)
indicate the store’s performance because we are not
told(informed) whether the increase of 15 percent is referring to monetary
account or inventory account.(大吧这里要注意 虽然大吧是会计专业的 但是看文章的人并不一定是 所以每次在用专业知识的时候 尽量写得让别人也能看懂)
Third, the bare number, which is 15 percent, does not indicate an actual
performance of the store since it is difficult to infer whether this increasing
should be considered as revenue or inventory.
If, for example, Fish Emporium has sold 15 percent more fish at
only 60 percent unit price, the store is in fact losing its money. (这和上面的论述 monetary account or inventory有关系吗)
Even though Fish
Emporium verifiably collects 15 percent more profit soon after posting ads in
the magazine, the director should not mistakenly conclude the causation of two
seemingly attributable random observations. It is highly probable that while
signing an advertising contract with the magazine, Fish Emporium (, as
exemplified above,) lowers prices of its products, amount that capable to
attract more customers while not significant enough to cause an negative impact
on its sales. (need revised…considerably redundant)
Such discount could (can) also contribute, more effective than
advertising strategy, to inflating(x not appropriate) sales of Fish Emporium.
Thus if this scenario stands, the director of Top Dog Stores should not
arbitrarily conduct (what) before further analysis of Fish Emporium’s success.
Finally, (even) given that the director could provide solid evidence to justify (that x) the strategy of advertising (, which) (does x positively) result in ameliorating of company’s performance, the assumption (that a same strategy should
be applicable in different companies is it necessary to have this attributive clause?) is in short of legitimacy. Before contracting with Exotic Pets Monthly, the director should implement a comprehensive survey that insightfully investigates his customers’ taste on daily magazine reading (taste of the content of daily magazine? Or taste of the kind of magazine?). If his customers have never (even) heard about Exotic Pets Monthly, it would be meaningless to invest (any) marketing
budget(s) in that magazine. Hence the director needs to introduce (other)
methods to gain statistical data on his customers' preference before put the
ads project into progress. (Is there any relationship between the
paragraph and “legitimacy” in the first sentence?)
In sum, the argument’s context-lacking understanding
of data (don’t understand….), failure to rule out alternative causation of
improvement, and unreasonable conclusion to conduct a certain plan(,) leave it
far from flawless.