印度拥有两百万个神，他们崇拜所有的这些神。在宗教上其他的国家都是穷人，印度是唯一的“百万富翁”。
"India has 2，000，000 gods， and worships them all. In religion other Countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire."

如果你收养了一只饥饿可怜的狗，让它过的舒适，它就不会咬你，这便是一个人与一只狗之间最主要的差别。
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous， he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."

有一个人从天堂来到人间旅游，他所使用的是有效期为三十天的减价票，他试图要把他的回程票卖掉。
"Ingersoll’s story of the man that went down From heaven on a reduced-rate excursion ticket good for 30 days --- and tried to sell his return ticket."

上帝先创造了白痴，这只是热身而已，然后他才创造了教育委员会。
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.

虽然在一切事物中，爱情看上去是最快的，其实却最迟缓。男男女女没有一个人晓得什么是十全十美的爱，除非一直到他们结婚了二十五年之后。
Though love seems the fastest of all growths， it is really the slowest. No man or woman knows what perfect love is， until they have been married a quarter of a century.

在四月一日，回想一下这一年来的其他364天自己在做些什么。
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

我会用city而永不用Metropolis来表达城市，用cop而永不用policeman来表达警察，既然三丶四个字母的短词可以赚七分钱，为什么要用那些长词呢？
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.

不要把事实告诉不值得的人。
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

真相比小说还要不可思议。
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Mark.vomit to say:Late come of true facts， be like suddenly horseshoe， ah of shooting the head， pain！
马克．吐温说：迟来的真相，就像突然击中头部的马蹄铁，哎，痛啊！

Don’t give up your imagination.When the imagination had no after， you can also exist， but although you living dead still.
不要放弃你的幻想。当幻想没有了以后，你还可以生存，但是你虽生犹死。

Tell the truth forever， such of words you need not recorded you to once say some what.
永远说实话，这样的话你就不用去记你曾经说过些什么。

Those persons who have a good book but don’t read are unlike and can’t read the person of these books to own any advantage.
那些有好书却不读的人不比无法读到这些书的人拥有任何优势。

Rather shut up don’t talk， don’t be eager to expressing oneself， either.
宁愿闭口不说话，也不要急于表现自己。

Calculate to the person also unimportant with the stupid stupid impression.
就算给人以蠢笨的印象也不要紧。