Five minutes until programme starts.
Two men lying on the floor. Lethargic.
Delivery speed: slow.
MONSTEIN
You know, sometimes I can't tell if I'm working or slacking.
DICKOWSKI
Why is that?
MONSTEIN
This new setup.
Audience complaints and stuff.
Our programme's becoming low.
DICKOWSKI
Well of course it's low.
It's been low ever since they decide
we are 'The Midnight Lying Flat Show'.
I even wonder if there's anything elsethey
wanted us to dobesides
lying here and pretending to be funny.
MONSTEIN
I can't tell which one's better.
'The Midnight Lying Flat Show' or
'The Midnight Lying Fat Show'.
DICKOWSKI
I can't see my toes from this angle.
MONSTEIN
Do you have any idea
what weare going to talk about this evening?
Because I don't.
DICKOWSKI
You can talk about your newly acquired family members.
(pause)
Turtles.
MONSTEIN
Domestic transportation, actually.
Three nights' intensive training on the treadmill
and now they go 300 metres per hour.
DICKOWSKI
Great then,
content's settled.
MONSTEIN
It's not without difficulties.
I had to put them up for auction.
(reluctantly) Charity events.
DICKOWSKI
Oh that's unfortunate.
MONSTEIN
He wanted them because
airfare's getting expensive.
DICKOWSKI
Ya.
MONSTEIN
YA.
DICKOWSKI
In that case we'll just have to say
nothing.
Obviously there are still peopleout there
who think spending 60 minutesof their life
watching two menlying flat on their bottomis in fact,
quite interesting.
MONSTEIN
What people, like whom?
DICKOWSKI
You know, people out there.
THERE.
MONSTEIN
Ah. Adelbert Road.
DICKOWSKI
Thought I'd be famous someday,
you know,
being chased down the streetfor autographs.
MONSTEIN
Rough, isn't it?
DICKOWSKI
Dear oh dear oh dear.
(pause)Wait, it's an epiphany.
I'm going to tattoo my faceon my toes.
Then I'llwear sandals everyday.
Enough of this bloodylying-flat business.
All they can see on the screenis twenty toes anyway.
MONSTEIN
At least it's a job well paid.
DICKOWSKI
Well paid! HA!
It's prostitution!
We are broadcasting a portion of our naked
lower body for evil
and immoral reasons such as--
MONSTEIN
The happiness of those hopelessly stupid--
DICKOWSKI
You mean "wonderfully innocent"--
MONSTEIN
Little prats--
DICKOWSKI
"Young children"--
MONSTEIN
Who are--
DICKOWSKI
Despicably--
MONSTEIN
Responsible for how much we get paid.
DICKOWSKIWell shut up and get to work then.
FADE OUT
Two men lying on the floor. Lethargic.
Delivery speed: slow.
MONSTEIN
You know, sometimes I can't tell if I'm working or slacking.
DICKOWSKI
Why is that?
MONSTEIN
This new setup.
Audience complaints and stuff.
Our programme's becoming low.
DICKOWSKI
Well of course it's low.
It's been low ever since they decide
we are 'The Midnight Lying Flat Show'.
I even wonder if there's anything elsethey
wanted us to dobesides
lying here and pretending to be funny.
MONSTEIN
I can't tell which one's better.
'The Midnight Lying Flat Show' or
'The Midnight Lying Fat Show'.
DICKOWSKI
I can't see my toes from this angle.
MONSTEIN
Do you have any idea
what weare going to talk about this evening?
Because I don't.
DICKOWSKI
You can talk about your newly acquired family members.
(pause)
Turtles.
MONSTEIN
Domestic transportation, actually.
Three nights' intensive training on the treadmill
and now they go 300 metres per hour.
DICKOWSKI
Great then,
content's settled.
MONSTEIN
It's not without difficulties.
I had to put them up for auction.
(reluctantly) Charity events.
DICKOWSKI
Oh that's unfortunate.
MONSTEIN
He wanted them because
airfare's getting expensive.
DICKOWSKI
Ya.
MONSTEIN
YA.
DICKOWSKI
In that case we'll just have to say
nothing.
Obviously there are still peopleout there
who think spending 60 minutesof their life
watching two menlying flat on their bottomis in fact,
quite interesting.
MONSTEIN
What people, like whom?
DICKOWSKI
You know, people out there.
THERE.
MONSTEIN
Ah. Adelbert Road.
DICKOWSKI
Thought I'd be famous someday,
you know,
being chased down the streetfor autographs.
MONSTEIN
Rough, isn't it?
DICKOWSKI
Dear oh dear oh dear.
(pause)Wait, it's an epiphany.
I'm going to tattoo my faceon my toes.
Then I'llwear sandals everyday.
Enough of this bloodylying-flat business.
All they can see on the screenis twenty toes anyway.
MONSTEIN
At least it's a job well paid.
DICKOWSKI
Well paid! HA!
It's prostitution!
We are broadcasting a portion of our naked
lower body for evil
and immoral reasons such as--
MONSTEIN
The happiness of those hopelessly stupid--
DICKOWSKI
You mean "wonderfully innocent"--
MONSTEIN
Little prats--
DICKOWSKI
"Young children"--
MONSTEIN
Who are--
DICKOWSKI
Despicably--
MONSTEIN
Responsible for how much we get paid.
DICKOWSKIWell shut up and get to work then.
FADE OUT
