In the professor's office. Hear a knocking.
PROFESSOR
Yes, come in.
Student enters.
STUDENT
Good afternoon, Professor.
I suppose you wanted to see me?
PROFESSOR
Hello Flinffers, that is right.
Here, have a seat.
Student seats.
PROFESSOR
I wish to talk to you about your dissertation.
There seems to be a bit of a problem.
More of a technical difficulty, actually.
STUDENT
(Wants to say something, but stops.)
PROFESSOR
Mr. Flinffers. Flinffers. Flinffers.
STUDENT
Yes, sir?
PROFESSOR
Nothing. Just thoughtthe name funny.
Flinffers. Flinffers.
All right, back to the business,
about your dissertation.
What exactly are you trying to convey?
STUDENT
That Lorentz transformation is
thebackbone of cubism paintings.
PROFESSOR
Elaborate on that.
STUDENT
Well, it's basically adapting Gaussian co-ordinates
inconstructing a single or multi-dimension of
imaginary, arbitrary curves with an infinitely dense system,
in which if an initial point (u,v) is chosen,
there will be point (u+du, v+dv) found in a
distant end within the same picture frame,
regardless of how randomised
the artist's intentions might be.
PROFESSOR
That is all very well.
Now try again.
In a more abstractive sense.
STUDENT
I'm sorry sir--but I'm not quite sure what you mean.
PROFESSOR
Well for example,
"I hate waffles".
STUDENT
I can't say I like them--
PROFESSOR
"Because they are poorly shaped,
withevil spirit trapped inside, and such
wicked, nasty nasty food invention
ever experimented by mankind".
STUDENT
I actually agree.
PROFESSOR
Agree?
(unbelievably)Agree!
I'm quoting the first
bloody paragraph from your dissertation!
Professor slams the dissertation on the table.
Student picks up the paper.
STUDENT
(takes a look at the paper)
"Take a bite you will see hell;
ingest it you shall never see the sun again".
AH, HA HA HA.
That bit's even poetic, isn't it?
PROFESSOR
Very droll, Mr. Flinffers.
Now perhaps you want to explainthe situation a bit?
STUDENT
Situation, sir?
PROFESSOR
Situation indeed.I was generous
on extendingyour deadlines, expecting a paper
well-written, irrefutably argued,demonstrating
everything a student at your levelshould have in their capability,
on my table, this morning.
Instead you're giving me this paper full of--
waffles. Stinky, stinkywaffles. Waffles that I
never everlaid my hands upon since
secondyear kindergarten--
STUDENT
But sir--
PROFESSOR
Oh shut up. And it's even
a no name. Don't think you cantrick me on that one,
you are theonly paper I am expecting on my table
this morning, after all.
Phone ringing. The professor puts it on speaker.
PROFESSOR
Yes, what is it?
VOICE
Happy birthday
my sweet darling Mumpy-mumpy.
PROFESSOR
Mom? Listen mom, I'm actually
in the middleof a meeting right now--
VOICE
Hold on, hold on,won't take you long,
I printed out a collection of papers
you wrote when you were very young,
isn't that just sweet?
Silence. Professor shows a face.
Student reaches into his bag, took out some papers.
STUDENT
Here's my dissertation.
Thanks for the extension, professor.
(pause)
Oh, and happy birthday.
Student exits.
FADE OUT