i always feel i am really very impotent, so small and so trivial a being.
admiring other's wonderful and cheerful lives and worring about my own future.
not believing in myself, cauze i am so common.
but i know, despite of being normal and trivial, i have my own live to strive for. no matter how colorful and interesting their lives may be, i have my own beloved ones, who i cherish most. i don't want to disappoint them but i really have no idea if i can be successful and lead a good life, "good" in other's opinions.
dubious of my own future though i may be, i should never give up.
just try it and work hard, give broaden your heart, by tranveling , experiencing and knowing others.
don't be afraid and step back. that's what cowards do. i am not a coward, though may be an impotent one.

很大的挫败感，我真的能做好么，对自己开始质疑，就是容易想太多，就是容易对事情都太认真。希望一切都能好起来！我可以做到的！

做了两个小小的决定:
1. 相机就买个一万出头的好了，太贵了负担不起，以后工作了再换吧~
2. 把论文的范围就锁定在一个作家好了，多了都能写博士论文了，暂时就这样吧，心别太大，否则写的东西容易很浅。
愉快地就这么决定了，突然心情大好~

又开始自我消化了