Absolutely you still clearly remember
the look on his face when you told him you were goanna leave LP back then. He
threw all the cursing words that he could find in his vocabulary towards you,
you know how he was like at that time, terrible temper. But you didn’t want to
have a fight against him, not a bit. So you persisted with saying your words in
his senseless cursing, you said ‘Chester I still have dreams unfinished which I
won’t want to regret for the possibility in my grey-haired years. Chaz, you
gotta understand me, you must understand me. If even you won’t understand me,
then nobody in this ****ing world would do.’
他的词汇用完了,他也骂累了,然后他无力地瘫坐在你的对面。当他再开口,你惊讶地发现他的声音竟然哽咽了。
He used up all
his words, and he got tired of cursing you. Then he sat down weak and limp on
your opposite side. When he said something again, surprisingly you found his
voice choked.
你得到了你要的回答,他说,那么你走吧,Mike。
You got the
answer you wanted, he said, ‘Then leave, Mike.’
你不知道该安慰他还是感谢他,你说,少了我,你们还是有LP的。
You were not sure if you should thank
him or comfort him. You said, ‘Even without me, you still have LP.’
他抬眼瞪着你,眼泪顺着他的眼角掉下来,他说,你放TMD屁,没有你了还有什么LP?
He raised his
eyelids and stared at you, with tears rolling down along his cheeks, he said, ‘That’s ****ing bullshit, what LP
without you?’
你不知道该说什么了。于是你走到他身边,吻了他掉下来的眼泪。冰凉的咸咸的,这种味道在你后来经历的每一天里你都没敢忘记过。然后你站起身,头也不回地走了。
You had no
words to say. So you walked to his side, kissed away his tears. Cold and salty,
this kind of taste you’d never
dare to forget in any single day during your later years. Then you stood up,
without a single looking back you walked away.
第二天他帮你解散了LP,你在很多很多年前刚认识他的时候曾跟他说过,这是你的梦想,你们共同的梦想。而现在,你把你曾经的梦想推给他,你知道他会帮你收拾残局。他没有质问你到底是你变了还是你的梦想变了,当然你也没有准备答案。
The next day
he dismissed LP for you. Many years ago not long after you two just met, you
said to him that this was your dream, your common dream. But now you pushed
your once dream towards him, which you knew he’d clean up the pile of mess for you. He didn’t
confront you with whether you’d changed or your dream, of course you didn’t
prepare any answer either.
他出席了所有的新闻发布会,他帮你干了你该干的所有的事,他甚至用了你用的借口。
He presented
himself at all the press conferences, he did all the things you should do, and
he even used the excuse you used.
那段时间好多好多狂热的歌迷们骂他,骂他出名了就狂妄自大了,各种肮脏的字眼把他骂惨了,但没人骂你。开始你们的鼓手还会经常打电话给你,他说Chester整天整天地窝在家里不出门,谁的电话也不接,你去劝劝他。你只在电话的这头沉默。不久,你们的鼓手也不再打电话给你了,对你失望了还是对Chester失望了你不得而知。