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Ode to the Mermaid 今天上课乱写的,求修改,求拍砖

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Ode to the Mermaid
"My heart is pierced by Cupid,
I distain all glittering gold.
There is nothing that can console me,
but me jolly sailor bold."
Now upon a white stone sit you singing the old verse,
Now beyond the azure ocean swift you hearing the ancient sounds
of the omen from water of the depth.
"In Ben Bulben and Knocknarea,
Many a sailor'd be cast away"
You must made by god himself,
blessed with the unerathly beauty,
the like of which that never fade when time decay.
Boy led by your grace, toiled through after your pace.
They were seeking without knowing what ther're seeking for
They were diving with knowing you are whom they're dying for.
第一次以这种形式写,把心思都放到用词上了,内容啊意象啊什么的没有多考虑
结尾处觉得写的最烂,不过,也不知道该怎么结尾了...总之,各位多多拍砖吧
PS:前几天看加勒比海盗4,彻底迷上了里面的美人鱼......



1楼2011-05-25 12:34回复
    更正:You must made by god himself——You must be made....
    打错了...typo...


    2楼2011-05-25 12:35
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      Boy——boys
      好多错别字


      3楼2011-05-25 12:38
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        but me jolly sailor bold——...my...
        打字技术真得提高了


        4楼2011-05-25 12:43
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